Why it is not 'shittacular' to be a Stay At Home Parent--A Post-Thanksgiving Toast

I have to be candid about something that may paint me in not the best light with my fellow parent-bloggers.  I was reading a blog post last week, and thought to myself: “this comes across as kind of whiny- (pardon my language) ‘shit.’”  When I thought about it, a lot of the parent blogs I read also discuss the different levels and examples of shit that we, as parents, must tolerate, and can sometimes lean whiny. As a stay at home dad, it is more about the shit we put up with when people learn what we do.  Yes, that gives me the right to complain about shit. But to reach whiny?  Hmmm...

I closed the page I was on at the time, and, yes, it was actually my own blog, and thought to myself:  “why would I still be a stay-at-home dad a decade plus later if all I focus on is the shit-end of the stick parents (especially stay-at-home parents) endure?” 

Thanksgiving has come and gone, and I spent the holiday pondering all I have to be thankful for this year.  My family and I faced a great obstacle (my wife--the sole provisioner as of late, lost her job and we had to determine what was the best move for our family), and we ended up leaving behind everything we knew and all of our friends and family and relocated to Jacksonville, Florida from just outside of Hartford, CT.  My mother, who had been living in our in-law apartment in CT and who had become an incredibly important resource and fixture for our family, moved with us, to her own apartment about ten minutes away.  There was some resentment for mom making this move from both  my brother and sister in law who have no kids, and my sister and brother in law who have children who are adults/near adulthood.  It was a very difficult decision on her part (that almost did not happen), but she is here, and my siblings understand.  Mom has to be where the "babies are," and my family accepts it.  

I realized that I also have  a lot to be grateful for because I have the greatest job in the world.  I thought about my brief stint in the corporate world, and of my wife and my friends whose successes and stories “out there” in the world I often glance at longingly, from outside the “in.”  Every single person I know complains about shit they put up with at work.  I have seen friends who have lost their careers as they approached 40, simply because the system is shitty and that is what it does to some people.  I have watched others grow to great heights, but who discuss the day-to-day shit on how shitastic their jobs can be, how shitty dealing with co workers can be, and what shitastic people their bosses are.  It made me realize…My job is better than theirs…and I realized I MUST do a blogpost about why it is not shitacular to be a Stay At Home Dad!

1. My boss is cuter than yours, and I’ll bet one million dollars on that fact, right here—right now.    I like to believe that I am my own boss, and determine the overall way the household and the day-to-day activities are run.  I realize I would be lying if I said I was 'the boss'.  I am not and I know it.  My three young children rule the roost here, and that is OK.  Three little spirits are at the center of our family's structure and that does make them 'the boss', even though my wife and I are "in charge." The best thing about my "boss" is that when they get really demanding on a specific project, it takes little more than logical discussion (or maybe a time out) for them to see my point and the correct perspective on things.  Can the same be said for Mr. or Mrs.“Where is the QED report?”  Here, I will grant that when actual shit lands on your hands, in your mouth, on your eye, on the floor, behind the changing table, it is shittastic!  
2. I set my own hours.   Now, every mom and dad blogger out there is going to call bullshit on this one, and say we are all “slaves” to when our dear children need us.  Yes, that fact is true.  But when there is not that immediate need, I am in control of what I do with my time.  If something becomes especially daunting or overwhelming, I can find time to prioritize what needs to get done--whether it be to throw a hot towel over my eyes, or down a bloody Mary if I must, I can  (kidding, but you get my drift).  I hear horror stories about my peers dealing with a boss who slams employees for not being productive enough and making them go through 15 different files to get to the email that shows the boss, in fact,  dropped the ball.  Can you then say:  “I am taking a time out…go paint rainbows with your sisters, and we’ll reconvene shortly?” #winning
3. I am paid significantly more than anyone I ever met, including some pop artists.   I have actually met and hung out with a pop artist, or two, and they are paid stupidly well.  I have enjoyed rides in cars that I can’t pronounce, eaten foods I don’t even know what to make of, and seen endless wads of cash flow freely.  It was fun.  I have also seen the flip side to their personal lives and experienced a “loneliness” that was markedly educational. You may call it “shit.”  I do, and it is food for thought.   I have seen markets crash, investments fail, and empires fall.  In my world, I am paid in hugs, “daddy I love you” pictures, and with the accomplishments these amazing human beings my children are becoming…each their own universe with endless possibilities and wealth opportunities in their own right. It is I WHO AM overseeing their upbringing, predominantly, on a day to day basis as they venture towards their tomorrows.  I even get bonuses that are priceless: found on my computer screen written by one of my six year old daughters:  I love you so much more then the sky you are the best daddy in the world you tAKE CARE OF ME AND DADDY i LOVE YOU AND NEVER LEAV ANY WERE WITH OUT ME COME EVERY WARE WITH ME PLEASE AND REMEMBER i LOVE SO MUCH
4. My “water cooler” talk is more meaningful than yours.  Granted, those I’m with all day will not catch me up on “How To Get Away With Murder,” or the latest episode of “Once Upon A Time;” however, they will talk about ‘once upon a time’ and ask me if dinosaurs had feelings.  And we will spend a chunk of our afternoon not only drawing dinosaurs, sculpting them with clay, and googling everything we can on them, but exploring the concept: "do objects feel?”  I will be a better man at the end of the day because I gave thought to something I probably had not in 30 or so years, and it makes me remember that way of thinking so I can apply it my 40 year old life.
5. When I “retire,” I will look back on what I created, nurtured, and guided.  I truly believe I will not look back with regret for what I did not do, but for what I experienced at the soul level, and for the seeds planted for the tomorrows that will come after me.   I do not think people look back and wish they did more “at work,” as I have seen plastered all over facebook recently.  I do wish I did more, at my work, in the "hazy years" with newborn twins and a four year old,  and had understood how incredibly lucky not only I AM, but that my children are, that we have this time together.  I would never criticize a working parent for choosing the path to put their babies in daycare and to be raised by others, but for my Self and for my family, I am asserting:  “I put my children first and foremost in my definition of ‘wealth,’ and in my life.  I will be damned before I would miss a single moment of this short snapshot that is their childhood for simple things, or easier financial paths, or any type of career down the road.  I know the way the world works, and understand what my career choices are when my children are grown…and with everything I get in return, I would do it again one thousand fold.  Life is not a dress rehearsal, and I am glad I chose the right path for me. So, yes, I will return to shit that leans whiny in my work, I'm sure.  I just needed to acknowledge that greater than that shit is a wealth and a brilliance I never dreamed I would acquire.      

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Green Bean Casserole "Revisited": Why I'll Never Buy Canned Fried Onions Ever Again

Ingredients: 

• 1 1/2 lb haricot vert (fancy long, thin green beans, found in the produce section, usually shrink wrapped on a foam tray---all I could find was long "snipped" grean beans)
• 3/4 lb bacon (YES BACON!!!)  (I freeze this for a bit to make it easier to cut it into thin strips) save the bacon fat!!! 
• 1 8 oz package sliced white mushrooms 
• 3 T flour
• 1 C chicken stock
• 1 C heavy cream (it is OK...it is a holiday) 
• the juice of 1/2 lemon
• 2 medium vidalia onions, cut into small rings
• 4 eggs, whisked together with 1 T heavy cream
• 1 1/2 Cups flour well combined with 1 T each of onion powder, garlic powder, and chili powder
• Oil for frying the onions (canola is best) (2-3 C)

1. Steam the haricot vert until they develop a rich, dark green color (typically 5-7 minutes, but my daughter was not a fan and so I did an additional 3)
2. Transfer the cooked beans into an ice bath immediately to shock them and stop cooking.
3. Line them up on an oven safe platter, and squeeze lemon juice and add salt and pepper to taste.
4. Fry the bacon pieces over medium heat in a frying pan. Remove bacon pieces once they become crisp and allow to drain on a paper towel or coffee filter-lined paper plate. (easy clean up)
5. Carefully drain out all but 2-3 T of the bacon fat.
6. Saute mushrooms in the bacon fat and add a liberal amount of salt and pepper.  
7. Remove mushrooms from the pan once they are softened.
8. Return pan to the stovetop and add another 3T of bacon fat, along with 3T flour and whisk until well combined. 
9. Slowly add in the chicken stock, whisking continuously. 
10. Reduce heat and slowly add cream while continuing to whisk. 
11. Allow sauce to reduce until it is a thick consistency (much like cream of mushroom soup).
12. Add back the mushrooms, and add salt and pepper as needed.
13. Heat canola oil in a small, deep pan over medium high heat.
14. Dip raw onions in egg mixture and then in flour mixture, and make sure to shake off excess flour.
15. Fry onions until they are golden brown and drain on a paper towel or coffee filter-lined paper plate.
16. Spoon mushroom sauce over the haricot vert and top with bacon.  Sprinkle the onions around the plate as a garnish.  Place in the oven on "warm" until ready to serve.  Enjoy! 

Dodging The Crimson Bullet: How A 'False Alarm' Helped Me Realize I Am (Mostly) Ready For My Little Girl To Start Growing Up

I dodged a bit of a bullet today. 

I have been a stay at home dad for over 10 years, and somehow managed to miss every single milestone for all three of my children. I have always been more of a night person, and my three girls seem to be following suit.  When I was off working my part-time evening job, they would each experience their "firsts": first laugh, first step, first word, and so on. I always thought it was poetic justice that my wife got to experience all of those things first even though I was with the girls full time and she was not.

Cut to this afternoon when I was cleaning the girls' bathroom. I opened the toilet to flush that inevitable flush that my fourth, invisible child, "Notme" always fails to take care of (doing so with perpetual hope that I'll find a clean bowl). There in the toilet was a bloody wad of toilet paper and un-flushed urine. My heart began to pound and I called all three girls in to ask who was the last to use the toilet. True to form, they each swore that "Notme" did it again. I explained to them the seriousness of the situation and about how important it was that I know who was the last one in there. I promised no one would get in any trouble, but still, they insisted:  "Notme" did it again.

I began panicking, as my girls are currently on antibiotics to finally get rid of the strep throat they've been passing back and forth for a month (we finally found a doctor who agreed to treat all three who each presented with symptoms, even though they didn't all test positive). One of my 6 year-old twins had been complaining of back pain a few days ago, and all I kept thinking was:  "OMG What if this is her kidneys?"  Or, "Did I miss something in the Halloween candy and they are poisoned?" My eyes darted from kid to kid trying to remain calm, when I made eye contact with my ten year old.

AHA! 

My panic level was off the charts on the inside, but I did my best to hide it with my outward actions and tone. I calmly said: "I need you to go in the master bathroom and take a flushable wipe to see if it is you who is bleeding." 

Her eyes popped out of her head, realizing what I was talking about. I hugged her and told her how exciting this was, and that she would be OK. And then I kept saying to myself: "It is going to be OK, it is going to be OK!!" I was dying on the inside...how could my little girl...my 10 year old little girl...be having her first period when my wife is not home???

I sent her in our bathroom, as I knew that we had a new supply of pads, tampons, pantie liners-- the works.

 I started to well up with tears at the thought of what this meant. My little girl is not a little girl anymore! What if she has questions I don't have answers for? What if she forgets what my wife taught her about using a pad? What if she comes out of the bathroom and doesn't look like "my little girl" anymore? Wait--I miss the first laugh and the first step, and I get THIS milestone???

She advised me that she was not bleeding, but thought she saw some blood on her underwear. I swapped a clean pair of underwear via stretched arm through the door and advised her to use a pad as her mom had taught her. With all the confidence I could muster, I asked her if she was feeling all right and if she had any questions. Thankfully, she said: "no, daddy, I am fine and I know what to do."

I looked at the underwear and there was no stain anywhere to be found. I went back to the girls' bathroom and further looked at the bloody mess in the bowl. I flushed it, and let out a deep sigh. My daughter came out of the master bath, and did not look different to me, as I had feared in my panicked mode. I gave her a big hug and told her I was proud of her and the young lady she was becoming.

My daughter went back to the book she was reading, and I returned to my cleaning. As I emptied the bathroom trash, I found a red ice pop wrapper stuffed in the bathroom garbage can!! I called all three of "Notme's" sisters in, one more time. I asked them to stick out their tongues. I directed them to look in the mirror and for the one with the "red tongue" to prepare an apology for once again blaming "Notme," and for putting me in a bit of a panic.  True to form, the responsible child of mine for this current mishap was the only one to look away from the mirror rather than fess up.  #notmediditeverytime!!!

My wife came home and I opened myself a cold, dark beer and stepped outside.

"Did you have a rough day?" she asked, as the screen door was slowly closing.

"Depends!" I quipped, as the door slammed shut.

*****

Milestones are an amazing part of parenthood. I am realizing as the kids grow older, the bigger these milestones will be-- each now tinged with a bitter reminder that we have to let our babies grow up.

I am grateful that I had this little dress rehearsal for something I am clearly prepared to handle; however, I would have no complaints if when this actually happens, my wife is home at the time. 

$70/Week Challenge - Day Six: Slow Cooker Chicken Burritos/Enchiladas

Ingredients:

• 1 lb skinless boneless chicken breast
• 2 C chicken broth
• 1 large can tomato/chili blend (MILD!!!! I tried medium once, and the hour of cooking made it impossibly hot)
• 1 large can Enchilada sauce
• 1 can black beans
• 2.5 C cheddar cheese
• 1/2 C sour cream
• 6 Flour Tortillas, large/burrito style
• 1/2 C salsa
• 1 T garlic powder
• 1 T cumin
• 1 T chili powder
• salt and pepper to taste

1. Place chicken breasts, chicken broth, garlic powder, chili powder, and cumin in slow cooker, set on 'high.'
2. Cook for at least four hours, or until chicken become fork tender and easily shreds.
3. Reduce heat to low and add tomato/chili blend (do not drain) and 1/2 Enchilada sauce.
4. Cook for an additional hour.
5. Spray a glass baking dish with cooking spray, and cover bottom with 1/2 of the remaining Enchilada sauce.
6. Lay each tortilla flat, and add in the middle of the tortilla about 3/4 C chicken filling with a slotted spoon to drain off excess liquid (this is a "sloppy dish," even when well drained).
7. Carefully fold the tortilla over the chicken mix, and pull filling back to "tighten" the wrap.  
8. Roll the tortilla until it comes to a uniform cylinder, and then place in glass baking dish.
9. Repeat for the other five tortillas.
10. Cover with the remaining Enchilada sauce and 2 C of the cheddar cheese.
11. Bake at 350 degrees for 10-15 minutes, or until cheese begins to bubble. 
12. Serve with black beans, topped with cheddar cheese and salsa garnishes, and top the Enchilada with a dollop of sour cream.  (you can also make these as burritos...follow the same steps, but put the extra sauce and cheese inside and roll by folding the top and bottom, folding and pulling the chicken mix and rolling until it is sealed).  
13. Enjoy!!  For $9.00 (rounded up) for six servings, you AND your wallet will! :)  

$70/Week Challenge - Day Five: Potato-Ricotta Gnocchi Bolognese

Please Note:  If you do not have a pasta press, these gnocchi, while light and delicious, are not the prettiest of pastas, thus the EXTREME CLOSE UP! :) 

Gnocchi
Ingredients:

• 16 oz whole milk ricotta cheese
• 1 C potato flakes (instant potatoes)
• 3/4 C flour (plus extra to roll)
• 2/3 C Parmesan Cheese
• 3 eggs
• 2 t garlic powder
• salt and pepper to taste

Bolognese Sauce

Ingredients:  

• 6 C Tomato sauce Click here for recipe
• 1 lb ground beef (I use 80/20 for this recipe, be sure to drain off fat)
• 1 small onion, diced
• 2 garlic cloves, minced
• 1 t red pepper flake (or to taste)
• 2 T canola oil
• Salt and pepper (to taste)

1. In a large skillet over medium high heat, saute onion in canola oil until golden brown (about 6-7 minutes).  
2. Add garlic and pepper flake and saute for an additional 2-3 minutes until garlic turns golden brown. 
3. Add ground beef and break up into small pieces and cook until browned.  Drain off fat and add salt and pepper to taste. 
4. Add tomato sauce and stir to combine.  Cover and reduce heat to low.
5. Combine all gnocchi ingredients in a large mixing bowl and mix with hands until it forms a sturdy dough.
6. Divide dough into 6 equal pieces.
7. Dust a clean, cool surface with flour.
8. Using clean hands, roll out the 6 pieces to 1" strands.
9. Cut the strands into 1" cubes.
10. In a large sauce pot, bring 4 quarts of salted water to a rolling boil over medium high heat. 
11. Add 1/2 the gnocchi and gently stir.  
12. When the gnocchi is done, they will float to the top.
13. Remove with a hand held strainer.  
14. Add the other 1/2 gnocchi and cook until they float to the top.  
15. Top with sauce and serve with Parmesan cheese and basil garnish.  
16. Pairs perfectly with a Lindemann's Bin 57 Shiraz, but that would be outside of budget. :D  This meal cost $9.50 for 6 servings!!   Enjoy! 

$70/Week Challenge - Day Four: One-Pot-$5-Wednesday-Night-No-Hassle Chicken Fried Rice

It simply does not get easier than this recipe.  This may very well be the recipe I take from this challenge and add to my weekly repertoire.  One pot.  Simple prep. Six servings for under five bucks and  dinner on the table in about 20 minutes???  What more can one ask for through the week?  Did I mention the kids licked their plates?   Enjoy! 

Ingredients

• 1 lb skinless, boneless chicken breasts, cut into 1/2" cubes
• 1 double box of Rice and Macaroni product (available everywhere, even outside of San Francisco)
• 2 T butter
• 3 T canola oil
• 1 T sesame oil
• 4 C water
• 1 C Chow Mein Noodles
• 1 8 oz can of mushroom stems and pieces, low sodium, drained
• 1 egg, whisked
• 1 t garlic powder
• salt and pepper to taste

1. Liberally salt and pepper chicken, and evenly coat with garlic powder.
2. Saute chicken in 2 T canola oil over medium high heat until browned.
3. Add butter, sesame oil and additional canola oil with rice/macaroni product.
4. Stir frequently until the macaroni starts to brown.
5. Following package directions, add flavor packet and four cups of water, along with mushrooms.
6. Bring to a boil. 
7. Cover and reduce heat to low. 
8. Cook for 18 minutes, or until most of the liquid has been absorbed.
9. Add whisked egg and stir.
10. Re-cover and cook for an additional two minutes.
11. Form rice mixture in a 1 C measuring cup and top with Chow Mein Noodles.  Serve with a nice salad (a sesame-mandarin orange-ginger dressing pairs perfectly).    
12. Enjoy!